The Signs You’re the Office Over-Talker and What to Do About It
As my Mum used to say to my Auntie, ‘Now my ears are bleeding! Please stop banging your gums together’.
Ever been in a meeting with someone who can ‘talk’? I mean, talk the hind legs off twelve donkeys? Yes, then you’ll recognise that moment when you shift into the gear of ‘Here he goes again. Let me pretend to hear the same thing for the fourth time’. We all know them. We recognise them – The ‘Team Talker’. Why use 24 words, when you can get 32,674 out of your mouth? That’s over talking in its purest form.
The University of Arizona found that, on average, we speak about 16,000 words per day. The talkative people manage 124,000! That’s 8 times more, and it’s normally a sign of anxiety because they really want to be heard. The problem is that the exact opposite happens. They talk to be heard but are heard less. Think ‘Donkey from Shrek’. The phrase ‘less is more’ is made for these people.
In business, over talking is a problem because it means others don’t contribute, meetings likely run over, the person has a bad reputation, reduces that person’s influence, and slows down decision-making (this is not an exhaustive list – the irony!). How much is lost in business because of this problem? So, let’s help those with an over talking habit in two ways; by helping them, and helping you. The latter might be less welcome but try we must.
Recognise the problem yourself
- Do people give you short and closed answers? That’s because they are not engaged.
- Do you over-explain? Over talking often starts with feeling you need to.
- Do you rarely get follow-up questions? This is because the other person doesn’t want another 10 minute response.
- Do people seem to interrupt you more than other people?
- Do you do most of the talking in a meeting? That’s because you probably did.
- Do you find that when you explain something, you explain all the details?
If you found yourself answering yes to even some of the above questions, over talking may be more of a habit than you realise.
Set yourself 3 challenges:
- Begin assessing people’s body language when you speak to identify if they are engaged or not. Pulling their ears is a key sign they want you to stop.
- Aim for 50:50 in your conversations. You speak half and they do the same.
- Choose one message and communicate just that.
Helping you to address someone’s over talking:
Tell them with a sentence like, ‘In yesterday’s meeting, you covered a lot of detail, and it meant others didn’t get a chance to jump in.’
This article was written by Darren A. Smith for The Grocer. View the original article.
